You don't have to go it alone

There’s been some recent discussion online about women’s leadership skills as well as the work of Dr. Shelley Taylor on human stress response, which posited adding a new “tend/befriend” response category to fight/flight/freeze. One common thread I see across these discussions is growing evidence of the benefits we (individually and collectively) gain from collaboration and community.

The skills learned in a life build resilience, not to make life easier but to make us equal to the task ahead of us. Equanimity, David Whyte writes in his book about work, life, and self called The Three Marriages, is "being equal to things”. That is, it’s being equal to the task at hand.

The task at hand, of course, is to press forward and de-stabilize your current, comfortable situation. That risk is required in order to grow professionally, personally, and in committed relation to one another; it is the necessary ingredient to all growth. Your task is to cultivate equanimity. However, you don’t have to do this alone. In fact, it helps a lot to have trusted others who can help.

Nearly 20 years ago I had a job I loved, and a boss who was more than a mentor, he was a sponsor. He challenged me to take on assignments that brought me to Paris to start a branch office. He lauded my skill as a non-technical explainer of technology, helping orient new clients. I rose to these challenges, and made a difference to my career and my organization.

You don’t have to go it alone.

Some of us work best under deadlines. Good managers learn which of their team members fall into this category; good team members tell their bosses what they need. In each case, we do well to realize that we don’t have to go it alone. Our biology is wired for collaboration. Leadership and sponsorship, boosting each others’ signals, helps us become equal to the task at hand.

May you have the strength that makes you equal to the tasks ahead. May you have sponsors who boost your signal, and who confidently push you out onto the stage because they know that’s where you do your best work. And may you always know that you don’t have to go it alone.

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